A lot of people have asked me how I manage to stay happy despite my age and my single status. For others, they may see my situation as tragic and sad. Some even wonder how I ended up like this for such a long time without the luck of finding that special person. As you can see, I am turning 30 this year and I came to a conclusion that it doesn’t really matter what my status is. All I know is I am blessed to be where I am now and that it’s not too difficult to allow myself to be happy despite.
Mid-Love Crisis
Once you’re in that certain moment in your life when all your friends are getting married and engaged, where you’re the only person who has no ring on, you can’t help but think, is being single a curse? You somehow get this feeling of shame, not finding somebody to reciprocate your love. You can’t help but question your self whether you’re worth loving for or there’s something wrong with you.
The world will tell us that being single is like having an incurable disease that makes you an outcast. So in desperation, some would try so hard to look for their special person through apps by swiping left or right, or through night bars. Not that I’m saying it is bad, sometimes it’s a good tool to find one, but what if this is the season that God wants you to embrace singlehood and prepare you for the next season? Will you be willing enough to live this life with such joy and perseverance?
Why God, Why?
Back when I was 23, I got tired of ending up with the wrong guys that I decided to be wiser with my decisions–which resulted for me being single up to this very day as I am writing this. I remember asking God why He kept taking away guys from my life and making me single instead. Despite all my attempts to be on a date with someone, it doesn’t last or succeed. Usually, the dating stage would end because either I was cheated on or I’ll be with someone who doesn’t have the same drive and passion in life as I do. Instead of becoming disappointed, I figure that it was God who’d always get me out of a situation that will detract me from His plans. It wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough or undeserving to be loved but because I am bound to a greater story.
If I was so stubborn to pursue those wrong relationships, I could have ended up marrying the wrong guy, having kids yet unhappy or worst, a single mom. God just spared me from an eternity of brokenness and sorrow. Instead, He preserved me for a much better tomorrow. He needed to have me single so that I can actually do what He has called me to do here in Sweden. Imagine if I have a husband waiting in Manila, will I be able to pursue the things I am doing today? Maybe yes, but not fully effective and with a lot of hindrances and hesitations. God knows why he kept me this way. He wanted me to dedicate my whole time as a young woman growing and pursuing His call across the globe with no reservations. And because of this, I am proud to be single and set apart for God’s kingdom.
What Drives Me as Single?
I would tell people who normally ask me how I am surviving my life being single that the only thing that drives me to keep moving forward even if I don’t have a special someone is having my heart full of God’s love and focused on my life’s purpose. I try my best to see my season as a blessing rather than a curse. I consider this time to simply do everything I can to God and His people undividedly.
It’s easy to get discouraged about being single if your focus is to find satisfaction and to simply make yourself happy through another human being. I know it’s great to find love, but what if this is the time where God is asking you to make yourself satisfied by just allowing Him to love you. What do you have to lose anyway when you give life a chance and enjoy it as if there’s no tomorrow?
Designed to be Beautiful
I believe there is a season for everything and God designed them to be beautiful. If you are in a season where God has called you to dedicate your time to Him, His people, your family, your friends and yourself, embrace it. It’s a blessing. Imagine, you can accomplish your dreams, pursue your goals, travel the world, serve in church or in your community wholly, spend time with your family and friends without reservations, and give yourself time to grow and to know who you really are as you dive in and see this time to do more rather than live in mediocrity and waste every opportunity.
I am actually grateful that I get to spend almost 30 years of my life dedicated to His call, having no divided attention, but simply having all my time pursuing my career, goals, and God’s calling. I must admit that there are moments when I try to imagine life being with someone, wondering how it feels to take care of somebody and share my life with. But thinking about it makes me realize that life isn’t about it all. That God has an appointed time for it so why worry nor rush? I choose to take this time to be all out, having no regrets, not wanting to look back and to turn back time because I missed my greatest opportunity in life to pursue my dreams while I have a chance. I want to give my very best in the season I am in.
Embrace the Season
Life is about giving your best shot to whatever season you are in to. I want to encourage you that you won’t die from being single nor lonely because I didn’t. It made me even stronger. If there’s one thing that singlehood has taught me, it’s being independent of others and more dependent on God. It’s only God’s love that matters in this world.
You get to choose how you’ll see your life as single–whether as a victim or a victor and how you can make the most out of it. Single life is not a curse, yet it is a blessing to be embraced and enjoyed. Allow yourself to grow in times like this and let God do amazing things for you. And when the time comes, God will bring that special person in your life. Just trust His timing and be open to possibilities and embrace whatever God is doing in your life today. Stay expectant and hopeful that God desires for you to be happy and blessed.
Sincerely,
Abby Bern 
Leave a comment