Is it just me or does anyone else feel pressured whenever another year adds up to your age? I know I’m supposed to be grateful for being granted another year to live but I just can’t help thinking that I am way past my childhood or even the days of my youth. It’s hard to accept the fact that I cannot go back to the time where my parents were always around to hug and protect me, back to the days where I can simply play outside with my cousins or watch a disney movie. I am way all behind that and it somehow makes my heart sad.
It’s funny how I always wanted to be a grown up when I was a kid. I would day dream, thinking that one day, I’d wake up finding myself as a young lady wearing high heels, walking around the street being all confident and glamourous (I then realized that walking with high heels hurts your feet so much). I so badly wanted to skip days so I won’t need to fake my afternoon naps, finish my homework, and do what my parents told me to. I was so eager to reach the age of 30 so that I can do whatever I want, go wherever I go, buy whichever I think is pretty and marry the most handsome guy I’d find.
I don’t know what I was thinking back then but now that I’m almost 30, I ‘m afraid I somehow failed that little girl. As much as I don’t want to disappoint her, I realized that becoming the person she always wanted to be is not an easy task. I wasn’t able to picture the part where I need to go through the longer and harder process of becoming an adult which required me a lot of strength, patience, wisdom, and courage.
That little Abi wasn’t aware that she has to make sacrifices and tons of decision makings in life which will lead to where I am now. She may have not seen it coming, but I’m confident that God was there all along to guide and protect her in order to survive whatever life throws at her. I had to have a teachable heart and a brave soul in order to grow and be the person she’d be proud of.
I may have not become the pediatrician she wanted to be or I may not still be married in this age as she expected herself to be but one thing is for sure, God wants me exactly where and who I am now. I do believe that everything I’ve been through is part of God’s ultimate plan.
It doesn’t matter how the future looks like, what matters is how we are in our present journey–how our hearts have become and who we are now. It’s such a great reminder for me that we can’t rush things. We can’t fast forward to a certain timeline we want ourselves to be in. If God would have allowed that, we’d miss a lot in our journey. We wouldn’t be the person He designed us to be if we will not embrace every single day God has given us as a gift.
Having our minds set to the future often makes us forget to cherish what today has to offer. Instead of being afraid to face another year, I am making a choice to be grateful that I get to live by another day and make the most out of it. I choose joy instead of sorrow. I choose hope instead of fear. I choose to move forward instead of holding on to the past. We may not be able to change our past or restore all the happenings from before, but God blesses us with a brand new day to make new memories, new decisions that will direct our path towards our future.
Bring it on 29, I’m not afraid to reach the age of 30 and be no longer part of the 20’s group. I’m proud to say that I have come to this age knowing that I have honored my parents with my decisions, surrendered everything to God and is following the calling He has for me even if it’s not easy. From being that little girl who longed to be a lady, to becoming one only shows how my God has been faithful for the past 28 years. He has never failed to bless me and lead me to where I am supposed to be. I’ve gone a long way and I’m confident that God will make my latter days greater than the former days.
I shouldn’t let myself be pressured of what the norm dictates as to what I should have and should be doing at a certain age. It actually doesn’t matter how much money I’m earning, how successful I am with my career or when will I become happily married. As long as I have Jesus, I have more than enough.
I believe and declare that this year is my harvest year, that God will grant the desires of my heart according to His will. As God has promised in Psalm 30:11-12, I pray that this will be a year full of joy instead of mourning, a year of favor and not of sorrow.
Ps, to all who took time sending their greetings and reading this blog, HUGE THANK YOU for remembering me on my day! Lots of love!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Sincerely,
Abby Bern 
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