Abby Bern

Today marks my fifth year of being single. I remember that time when I’ve experienced a Post Valentine’s Day Breakup that totally changed my life. The aftermath of this special day for those who are madly in love could be totally amazing. But for some who’ve been victims of horrifying love affairs, they’d count this day as their worst nightmare.

Instead of being head over heels after a date and gifts I received, I was head over pillows thinking about what just happened. I had to question what true love means and why does it hurt when you fall in love.

We all have experienced the traffic jams of February 14 which includes crowded restaurants, flowers sold everywhere and the horror of not having someone to ask you on a date. Some would rather stay in their closet to avoid this dreadful day. Some are bitter enough to celebrate the day in which Love is being recognized. And for those we call “The Lucky Ones”, those who’ve found love in the hopeless place, those who are proud enough to show the world that they’re not alone, we are always happy to celebrate with you.

Let’s all admit, there’s something about Love that nudges every single person’s heart whether they are single, in a relationship, married or just recently gone into a breakup. For some, to love would be their worst enemy and not to be loved in return would be their worst dream. For others, to love is their greatest privilege and to be loved in return is their greatest dream.

Well, this blog is written for those who are single and longing to settle down for forever… for those who have waited long enough and still waiting… for those who might be too desperate to go on a dating game just to look for love… for those who are pressured to be in love… for those who have given up on love… and for those who think true love does not exist. If you’re one of these, I encourage you to read along.

Fighting for True Love

You may say that I should try to date anyone since I’m not getting any younger. But the real reason why I chose to be alone is because I wanted to fight for what true love is. I believe that love isn’t suppose to be shallow. It shouldn’t be half-hearted and selfish. It should not lie and betray. In short, I chose to stand for what is right and trust God that what He has in store is better than my own preference. I chose not to settle for Shallow Love but I have learned to wait for what’s real and selfless. Since then, I became protective of myself not allowing to settle for anything less than what I deserve.

Out of that situation, God reminded me that I was so valuable to Him that He doesn’t wan’t any man to mistreat her princess. He reminded me of the woman in the Bible called Ruth, someone who valued God, herself, family and career more than anything. She is someone who’s main goal is to honor God, prioritize her family, and keep herself busy with her responsibilities. Despite her terrible loss and being a widow in a very young age, she kept moving forward knowing that something good is in store for her future as long as she does what’s right. Instead of being bitter in her situation, she chose to stand on her ground, to remain faithful in little things, and to serve others with everything she’s got. Her heart wasn’t after the quest for love but she was after following God’s own heart. And as long as she is focused to the Lord, she was kept safe and even led to where and whom she was supposed to be with.

Raise your Flag

For the Ladies:

Every woman should have the desire to be respected, treated well and deeply loved. We should all aim to be a woman of God—Confident, Secured, Beautiful, Brave, and Loving; and to be with someone who will love us the way we truly deserve. We should never settle for mediocrity nor compromise our standards. We should always raise our flags high enough that we glorify God with our lifestyle and decisions. Let that man God has for us try to reach those banners we have set and pursue God as he tries to win our hearts. Know that you deserve better and shouldn’t let anyone treat you less. Let not desperation and impatience ruin your worth and your one chance of experiencing true love. Fight for it. Guard you heart. Stand on your ground, not letting anyone move you nor change your mind. Know your worth in Christ–how loved and precious you are in His sight.

For the men:

Every man should have the eagerness to be with a woman who respects themselves. You shouldn’t settle for a woman who’d give you a cheap sense of love. Long to be with someone pursuing God and His Kingdom above all else. Knowing that she loves God above anyone else will give you the confidence that you will be secured in her love. Aim to seek God and be a leader He desires you to be. You cannot give what you don’t have. You cannot love if you haven’t experienced such unconditional love from the Father. Let your life be a proof of God’s grace and strength that the woman you want to pursue will respect you for. Protect her dignity. Keep her pure. Be her strength and lead her towards where God intends for both of you to be. Never let your guard down. Don’t let lust and selfish desires win you over. Instead, learn to love selflessly and be brave enough to embrace the person you want to be with. Extend grace the same way she will extend grace and compassion towards you. If you do this, you will have the best time of your life. God will entrust you with the most treasured possession He has.

Don’t be Carried Away

With all the hustles and pressures of this world, all the dating sites and the reality shows in the media stream, don’t let your hearts be carried away to desperately be with someone. Get to know the person, check if both of you have the same walks in life especially in your faith. Make friends, be wise enough whom to talk to and to trust. Be on guard so that a day will come,  you’ll be grateful enough that you were wise with your decisions.

Don’t be afraid to give somebody a chance as long as you are very much careful with every actions and decisions you are to make. It’s also okay to say No, be firm with what you believe is right and prioritize your well-being rather than having someone to hurt you and take you for granted. Use your mind aside from your heart. Be happy despite disappointments, that only means you are protecting yourself from being stuck in an ugly situation. Let another Valentine’s day pass by without being forced to be on the market. Trust God that He has the best one in store for you. Be wise enough to know who that person is.

After everything I’ve been through in failed relationships, I have become wiser and careful to what I am supposed to choose. I became sensitive in hearing God’s voice in terms of making decisions. Let the peace of God fill your heart when you decide on something eternal. Be hopeful and joyful no matter what. Know that God loves you despite of and He will keep you away from any harm. He has the best interest in mind. Love always conquers.

And here’s why: God is kind and merciful.
    He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot,
This most patient God, extravagant in love,
    always ready to cancel catastrophe.

Joel 2:13 The MSG

Sincerely,

Abby Bern