It was a beautiful Sunday. I was meeting some of my friends before flying to Malaysia the next day. I said my goodbyes and gave each of them a hug after the church service. I was about to give my last hug to one of my closest friend, then suddenly, I have happened to glance to the left corner of this huge crowded room. I noticed this familiar guy who seems to be staring at me the whole time I was talking to my friends. He was surrounded with so many people trying to talk to him but he wasn’t even paying attention to them. It’s as if he wanted to go near me but was too hesitant to do so. Maybe he was too afraid to hear me say the words “Good Bye”. I smiled at him knowing deep in my heart I was so sad leaving. I waved, looked away and wiped a tear. Then I gave my friend a tight hug.
As I was about to go, he ran towards me, deserting the people who were trying to make conversations with him. He stopped me from leaving the door and asked if we could have lunch together. I was surprised that he even asked me out cause we never had a chance to go out by ourselves. I said yes even though I know I had to leave. I told myself, “Who cares? Even for the last time, just go out with him.”
We were seated across each other in this fancy restaurant. While waiting for the food, he took out his laptop as if he’s going to present something. I told myself, “Oh no, he’s going to start telling me sermons and convince me with thousand reasons why I shouldn’t leave. Or maybe he’s just gonna convince me to buy a Condo Unit before I leave (so that means I’m just over-thinking… haha!).” But my entire guesses were wrong.
He showed me an illustration with a very tall mountain filled with blue skies and clouds surrounding it… then below it was an ocean so dark you’d know it’s very deep. Then he told me, “You see this picture… As I was trying to climb this mountain, I have fallen to the ocean this deep. You’re the reason why I fell. You made me fall so deep that I can’t seem to find a way to rise again.” I was speechless. Yes it was cheesy but I didn’t know he felt the same way I did. All this time I thought I was the only one who fell for him. But then I realized it was mutual.
“Can I give you a hug?” I asked. He nodded and smiled.
That moment I wanted to tell him that I did not intend to make him fall intentionally, to hurt him in anyway, to leave without saying how much he meant to me. I wanted to tell him the reason why I had to keep it all in because I was waiting. I wanted to make sure I’m ready… if he’s ready… if the time is right and it’s the correct thing to do. I was simply waiting.
Then my alarm started to ring.
Waking up with such dream made me feel emotional knowing that most of it seems to be true. The realization that I did leave and that I’m here in Malaysia, leaving so many people behind made my heart cry. Things you need to sacrifice for a greater reason. Some may not understand the real reason why I left but God has His plans.
One thing I realized, there are things in life that you can’t go back to… things that will never be the same again. Life goes on and you just need to keep up with it. Cherish today, appreciate every moment spent with the people you love cause you never know what could happen tomorrow.
I am grateful for the experiences I had when I was still in Manila. I am blessed to have those happy moments, to share laughs and shed some tears with my friends, to have a family that loves and supports you all the way. I know my stay here in Malaysia is only temporary. But who knows what God has in store?
Even though time has passed and people have learned to move forward without having me around, I hope they’d still be willing to welcome me back just as if nothing has changed (or pretend at least that nothing has ever changed). I look forward to the day where that dream will actually be a reality where people would still be willing to accept a hug from me.
I trust that God has greater reasons why He brought me here. I will continue to depend on His will. I am truly honored for this journey.
Sincerely,
Abby Bern 
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